where has it gone?

Time, that is.   where has it gone?
i find myself... early-mid July..   yes, July!   what's that about?!

My parents always used to say... everuthing goes by quicker, the older you get.   i remember being so young... somewhere in the middle of the school year wishing i were able to make it go by faster.. just to get to something...   summer?   the county fair? prom?  

sadly..  here I am.. 7 years after highschool.  i am with the man i love and have THREE children.  one of which that will be 5 this year.   i am honestly still in disbelief.   i dont want to believe it... you cant make me.
its scary how fast life flys by.   i am dreading January 1st, 2013.    That date.. all it means is another year has passed us by.   my kids are another year older.. another year closer to adulthood.. another year closer to realizing how short life really is.


I just... feel lost in time.   I didnt know where i wanted to be 7yrs after graduating highschool. I never said "im going to have three kids and be a stay at home mom!" yet, here I am.   I would do anything for my kids.. for my family.   but after seeing my would fall apart around me, it's time.

This is my time, right this SECOND to seize for myself.   To not only make the decision to taje better care of myself but to find ME again
.     I can never go back in time and although i sit and pinder whst could have happenef.. where i strayed from my path... i wouldnt vhange my past if i could.    but its time to change mu present....and future.